Rule-1: Disagree with everything, make sure to harbor inner guilt if you disagree with something you actually agree with. Agreeing with anything except yourself proves your unoriginal. If you discover what you thought was your own original idea has actually already been thought of, make sure to tell everyone that whoever thought it up first stole it from you (even if it was an 18th century philosopher...be creative, time machines, wormholes, ect.)

Rule-2: Always make an exception for yourself when caught in a hypocritical or humiliating moment:

*Enter Matt, cuddling adorable chococat plush*

Matt: I love you chococat!

Critical Person: Chococat? Fag.

*enters exception*

Matt: Ha. I like chococat for ironic purposes.

Critical Person: Yeah. You and every other "individual" fag.

Matt (thinking to self): Shit. Now I seem like an unoriginal homosexual. Wait! Ill make a blanket statement that can neither be proved nor disproved!

Matt: No. I'm different. Those other "individual" fags have no idea about/dont properly enjoy/partake in a conformist homosexual circle jerk over chococat. (any one of these will work)

Bam.

Rule-3: (This rule is to back up rule 2, which is intended to back up rule 1) If faced with an inescapable attack of character, demean the opponents point by claiming apathy (no matter how much it hurts, an ounce of pride swallowed is better than a pound choked down):

Critical Person: That was a pretty shitty blanket statement that you gave me. While it can neither be proven or disproven, its weak, and I still assume you like dicks in or around your mouth.

Matt: Well. Fuck you. I dont care. You just dont understand me. So I dont care what you think.

Critical Person: Yeah ok fag. Enjoy your lunch of cocks.

*Matt proceeds to lunch where he does in fact gobble down an entire platter of dick*

Regardless of my taste in lunch meats, it looks like I took the higher road by dismissing Mr. Critical, instead of engaging him in debate.

These are three critical rules for protecting the fragile personality of one who praises randomness, self-expression, and touts an "individualiar-than-thou" attitude.

The next journal entry will be The 3 Badger-5 Rules For Music